It seems to accentuate the problem and there is this circularity, a reverberation that gets set up, that often worsens rather than, helps. You are right about words: Just Relax does not work, and it's like telling someone who cannot sleep to stop thinking about not sleeping. I wish I could give to her, what you are giving to another and what she is receiving. This is hard, this ongoing anxiety, this loss of sleep. She has this same problem, mentioned, with anxiety, with bearing children. I wish this wisdom could be transmitted to someone I know and love, dearly. Ruth housman marshfield hills, ma July 20, 2011 She took a deep breath, smiled, and left a bit more relaxed. “That’s something that I will have to work on.” Pray that it is not going to happen again, and leave it up to G‑d.” Her face softened the muscles went limp. You have a team of family and friends lined up for support. I looked at my client in the eyes and took her hand. With this in mind, we don’t have to worry. We make our effort, we do our part, but ultimately we know that G‑d is in control. As we go through the week, we make preparations. We await her presence like a groom awaits his bride on their wedding night. The entire week of work and activities is centered around the holy Shabbat. Friday, the “sixth.” Each day receives its name from its distance from the past Shabbat, and we count towards the next Shabbat. Sunday is the “first day” Monday, the “second” . . . G‑d performed a miracle for him, and a tree began to grow in that exact spot, covering the hole.įor six days I made my effort I did my partIn Hebrew there are no names for the weekdays. “Why am I worrying about my fields and planning on what I will do later tonight, when it is now Shabbat?” He felt so bad that he decided that he would not fix the fence, ever. “I will have to fix that as soon as Shabbos ends, so that animals don’t come into my fields and eat the grapes.” He immediately felt bad. One Shabbat morning he took a walk and noticed that there was a hole in his fence. The Talmud tells the story of a vineyard owner. We invite the divine presence to our dining table as we sing and sanctify the day with wine. This is His day, the day that we meet Him face to face. I bought food, cleaned the home, cooked the food and laundered the clothing now the seventh day comes, and with the lighting of the candles I completely relinquish control to G‑d. For six days I made my effort I did my part. It’s Shabbat, and everything that needed to get done is done. If no one were to wake me, I would sleep for three hours. My head hits the pillow, and in less than a minute I am asleep and am taking the most delightful nap. I leave snacks on the table for my kids and wish them good Shabbos (and good luck!). the laundry, what to make for dinner, letters that need to be written and phone calls that need to be made, lists and lists of things “to do.” There went my nap. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I start to think about . . . I’m exhausted and I know that I need a nap, but I can’t. The only lesson that I could offer her was one of faith. As much as I kneaded, massaged and soothed her muscles, I knew that there was nothing my hands could do to take away the tension. “Will you teach me to relax?” she asked me. Now, even taking preventative medicine, she fears the return of that darkness. At last, with lots of support and medication, there was a light at the end of the dark tunnel. For four months she didn’t live she barely functioned, as thoughts of suicide, darkness and despair overwhelmed her. After her first child was born, she suffered terribly from post-partum depression. Not of the birth, but of after the birth. She is in her eighth month of pregnancy, and she is petrified. Her insomnia comes from anxiety and fear. Last night a woman came to me for a massage. I never saw anyone relax by telling them to relaxSo how does one relax? Relaxation comes when you let go and let G‑d do the job. But I never saw anyone relax (and I am a both a massage therapist and a doula) by telling them to relax. If you relax, it can help you to find a spouse, job, a baby, health-you name it. I’m not saying that these things are false in fact, they have a lot of truth to them. A woman suffering for years with infertility treatments: “If you would only relax, you would become pregnant.” The woman in labor: “Relax,” the doctor tells her, “and the baby will go down.” She just lost her job and needs to pay the rent by the first of the month: “ Relax, you’ll find another one.” I have a friend who has been searching for her soul mate for years. Don’t you just love it when people tell you to relax? I find it the most un-relaxing thing in the world.
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